August 30, 2012: Runs in the Family


The phone rang at 3 a.m. “Your mother has dysentery,” my father’s voice barked.

          “I’ll be right over,” I said, and hung up.

          I arrived 15 minutes later. Mom certainly did have dysentery—all over the northern end of her house. A trail of, um, dysentery led from her side of the double bed to the master bathroom, where she’d apparently stopped and spun in circles several times while having dysentery.

          There was shit everywhere.

          I got Mom into the shower and, once she was clean and dry and I’d changed the bed and put her into it, I began de-dysenterying every surface in my parents’ bedroom and bathroom.

          The nurse arrived at 8 a.m. “What are you doing here?” she asked.

          “Trying not to barf,” I admitted.

          “Next time, just call me,” she said.

          No problem.

 Thing I Hate Today: Running out of carpet cleaner in the middle of the night