May 19, 2012: Children of the Cornball (Disgruntled Letter #1)

Dear Probably Well-Intentioned Drama School Teacher Who Directed the Miserable Kiddy Production of Annie I Witnessed Last Night:

You are doing absolutely no favors to the tiny would-be thespians of your dramatic school by neglecting to tell them that staring out into the audience throughout their “performances” is a bad idea.

I attended your production-only-a-mother-could-pretend-to-love because my 12-year-old friend Caitlyn had the lead, and I want my 90 minutes back. Since that’s an impossibility, I’d like instead for you to promise me that you will remember to tell future classes that this sort of line reading is not permissible when performing for an audience:

Child in dirndl and vinyl wig: “Hey, Miss Hannigan! (glancing nervously into audience, hunting for parents) Here comes Annie, and she has a dog and (turning to squint directly into the fourth row) a big bow in her hair!” (smiling at audience, waving)

 Also, please stay away from Caitlyn. She’s really talented, and it would be better for her (and for me, since I plan to attend future performances in which she appears) if she were allowed to remain so.

Robrt Pela

Look. There’s my dad in the third row.

Thing I Hate Today: Summer has returned


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