May 4, 2012: The Father, the Son, and the Holy Puppy

Tevye called me from my parents’ house this morning. He was confused about something that Betty, the Eucharistic Minister who visits Mom and Dad each Friday, had said to him.

“I was clearing the jigsaw puzzle off the dining room table so Betty would have room to spread out her religious stuff,” Tevye explained to me, soto voce. “It was a puzzle of a cute puppydog and a bowl of flowers. And Betty came in and said, ‘Oh, you don’t have to move that! I’ll bet God had a puppy when he was a boy!’”

Tevye was confused. “How could God have a puppy?” he demanded. “I mean, He’s God. Right? He was supposedly never here on Earth, in the form of a man, doing things like walking around and eating and having cute pets.”

Woof.

“I think Betty’s referring to the Holy Trinity,” I said. “You know. God as three divine entities.”

Tevye was quiet for a long time on the other end of the phone.

“No, really!” I said. “This is not like the time I tried to convince you that a half-gallon of Chocolate Nougat Crunch is a serving of ice cream. This is Catholicism!”

“I’m listening,” Tevye said.

“Okay. So, God is supposedly three different divinities. He’s the Father, which is the omniscient being that created everything, and He’s also His own son, presumably Jesus Christ. And then he’s also something called the Holy Spirit, which is kind of like Casper the Friendly Ghost except instead of walking through walls and hollering ‘Boo!’, He takes over people’s bodies and fills them with joy.”

          And then, as often happens when Tevye and I try to talk about God, we both got the giggles.

“If God was also Christ, and Christ was once a child,” Tevye asked, “did He ever get grounded for misbehaving?”

“Oh, sure,” I said. “His mother wouldn’t let Him create any universes for a whole week!”

“What sort of weekly allowance do you suppose God got?” Tevye asked.

“The moon. And the stars,” I replied. “But only if he took the trash out and didn’t sass back.”

Then my husband the once-and-former science nerd asked a question that only he could have come up with. “If God was once a boy, what was his Science Fair Project?”

 “Oh, please,” I replied. “The Garden of Eden!”

  “Materials needed!” Tevye hollered. “A man! A rib! Two fig leaves!”

    I couldn’t resist. I had to say it.

    “Sin,” I whispered.

Thing I Hate Today: Electrical cords

Thing I Published Today: Essay about abandoned buildings, in Phoenix New Times (print edition): http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/2012-05-03/culture/phoenix-s-first-baptist-church-surrounded-by-constant-change/

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4 Responses

  1. *whew* thank you for clarifying!

    Here for years I thought it was like, Mr. and Mrs. Christ tried to have a baby and couldn’t, so God came down and Created one, making God the daddy and Jesus Mrs. Christ’s b*stard son.

    Which does not make for a pretty family tree, but you sorta said God & The Kid are one in the same so that makes it all okay now.

    But how do oxes and lambs keep time?

    Or is that a Miracle?

    Now I am confused again.

    When you blog on Christmas day we expect a full forensic analysis.

    • funny

    • I tried to explain to you once about Mr. and Christ, Paul, but you got all quiet on me so I changed the subject.

      • I’m sure I was just baffled was all. I mean, was their junk-mail simply addressed “Joe and Mary?” I don’t think so.

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