May 2, 2012: Okay. Sorry. Jeez!

I knew that my recent post about how most refrigerator doors look like an asshole exploded all over them would ruffle some feathers. But the record number of responses (most of them private) surprised me. Apparently, making your kitchen look like hell is some kind of a self-righteous cult, like Christianity.

My favorite response came from a colleague who has visited my home on several occasions. “Your home is beautiful and welcoming and personal,” she wrote, “but I could not bear to live in it the way it looks.” One of my oldest pals wrote, “Okay, Smart Aleck. Tell us where you put restaurant flyers and magnetic business cards.” (In the trash, dear. And my name is not Aleck.)

Another friend was more to the point: “What is wrong with you?” he wrote.

What is wrong with me is I don’t like clutter. But, in the spirit of fair-mindedness, I am going to allow you to sneer at my refrigerator configuration, as I have yours. Here’s a photograph of my and Tevye’s refrigerator, which you’ll notice has its own little room in our kitchen, so that I don’t have to look at it. We shopped for days in search of a full-sized fridge narrow enough to fit into this tiny pantry. And it took us a year to pay the damn thing off and an entire afternoon to wedge it into its hiding place.

I am differently ridiculous.

When I want ice, I have to hunker down inside that bitty space and pull the ice drawer practically into my lap. When I want to chill salad plates (and, please—don’t act surprised that I chill salad plates), I have to take the bread and the mayonnaise out of the refrigerator to make room. And forget about frosting a birthday cake the night before, and then sticking it in the fridge in a cake safe (Yes! I have a cake safe!). There’s no room in my cunning Barbie fridge.

Go ahead and laugh at me and my ridiculous refrigerator. You’ll feel better.

Thing I Hate Today: Falling behind in doing laundry

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9 Responses

  1. Robrt (a.k.a. “Aleck”) uses the phrase “full-sized fridge” loosely. While it’s a very lovely, hardworking LG, unless a cake fits in it, or a wine bottle stands up on the top shelf, I’m going with a phrase popularized by the car rental industry: mid-sized. Incidentally, I’m in agreement with Robrt on not having things stuck to a refrigerator (just in case you thought I was being held hostage and forced to live in an aesthetically pleasing manner against my will).

  2. what about tiny magnets shaped like cute plates?

  3. Ha ha what a laugh! Love the plates.

  4. Have you considered buying a full size fridge and keeping it in your basement?

  5. With all due respect, I’m sorry but I have to do this, you set me up for it!

    “Okay, Smart Aleck. Tell us where you put restaurant flyers and magnetic business cards.” (In the trash, dear. And my name is not Aleck.)…..

    You would prefer “Ass” over “Aleck”?

    • I thought it was Ass over Tea Kettle.

  6. Oh, it’s just like that episode of Love, American Style in which the couple had to special-order a bed that would fit in their apartment — a little smaller than a double but larger than a twin.

  7. Since the real fridge literally goes hot and cold on me every other week I finally went with Susan my (sensible) Jewish Friend so she could sensibly pick out a tiny fridge for me at a sensible price that would hide in the space where the ugly modern dishwasher had once resided.

    She asked me what I would be putting in it.

    “Gallon of milk. Bottle of Coke. Chicken nuggets. And it has to make ice.”

    Too small for even a magnetic alphabet letter, and I have the best excuse in the world for not offering guests things to drink.

  8. (This would explain why you are a Dish Queen – you are constantly placing and replacing the plates you break every time you go to fetch a tub of F*rting Ice Cream.)

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