March 24, 2012: View Master

Yesterday, when he returned from spending the day with my parents, Tevye handed me this flyer. “I found this on their front door this morning,” he told me.

Tevye is always thrilled to see how sexy Jesus is. “He’s never painted as ordinary-looking,” he pointed out for the umpteenth time. “Look at how totally hot he is!”

I assured Tevye that Jesus is humpy because he’s Jewish, and then we talked about something else for awhile. But this morning, while I was making breakfast over at my parents’ house, my mother’s housekeeper brought me the same flyer. “Some guys just brought this to the door, and tried to talk to me about God,” she said.

I began to think about this question more seriously. How should one view Jesus? I decided to make a list. 

How Best to View Jesus

  1. Through dark glasses, because He’s probably made entirely out of light and shiny things, and seeing Him might hurt your eyes.
  2. Skeptically. Because how do you know it’s really Him? I mean, it could be Ted Neely or the guy from the Brawny paper towel wrapper. (No, seriously. Draw a beard on him with magic marker, and he’s Christ. Try it!)
  3. With binoculars. Because if He isn’t standing right there in front of you, being all handsome, He’s probably way, way up in the sky.

I hope the Jehovah’s Witnesses come back to my parents’ house tomorrow. I have some questions—and some answers!—for them.

Thing I Hate Today: Waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to get back to sleep.

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4 Responses

  1. Sometimes, Robrt, your tags are as amusing as the blog itself.

  2. One morning the Witnesses got us out of bed (because we used to answer the door) and, upon leaving, muttered something like, “Well, we realize you probably have your own faith . . .” and I told Mr. Lawnjuicer, “‘and whatever it is, it involves lying in bed until 10:30 in the morning!'” Because they seemed to have been a bit scandalized by our jammies.

  3. The Witlesses were at our door this morning, too.

  4. I received the same flyer today!

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