March 10, 2012: Urinetown

            Whenever my mother starts acting a little off, I grab The Hat and throw on a pair of rubber gloves and prepare to start interacting with her urine. Apparently, old ladies get urinary tract infections quite often, and old ladies with dementia can go bonkers with a UTI.

            The Hat is a plastic pee-catcher that fits over a toilet bowl and allows for the collection of urine. I didn’t make up that name, although I might have, because it really does look like a funny kind of top hat—one with an odd-shaped brim and a row of numbers along one side. “The Hat” is what nurses call this thing. I swear.

            So, this morning I collected some of Mom’s wee-wee in The Hat, then transferred it to a little plastic jar that I believe is referred to in medical circles as a “clean catch kit.” (I have a whole boxful of this home-health-care crap. It’s a total blast being a caregiver, let me tell you.) Later I’ll drive my mother’s urine over to the lab and ask them to run some pee-tests on it, to see if she does indeed have an infection. Meantime, it’s in the fridge.

Milk, milk, lemonade.

            Seriously, I could never have guessed that one day I’d be driving my mom’s piss around town.


Thing I Hate Today: Cupcakes.


3 Responses

  1. I’ve seen “The Hat” many times, but never knew it had a name. UTIs are a bitch no matter who you are. Judging from the amount of specimen looks like she may have an infection. That ole cran juice will really keep flushing it out, huh.

  2. I said, “More cats please” not “More hats please.” Thank you.

  3. Looks like urine luck today…

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