March 8, 2012: Are You There, Readers? It’s Me, Pansy Mae.

 

            Okay. Here we go. I have, just this morning, officially launched this blog.

            I may sick up my breakfast.

            Before I go off into a corner to retch, I’ll thank you for dropping in to laugh at my profound neuroses and 4th grade class picture (see “About” tab, above). And I’ll announce that I’ve resolved, at least for the next 11 months, to table my snotty attitude about blogs and bloggers, whose number I have now joined. (So much for my decades-old rule about never writing for free.)

            But first, a caveat, an apology, and a pair of sincere questions:

            I started writing this blog a little more than a month ago, on the day before my 50th birthday. Then I uploaded all this junk onto this blog site, so that what you get today is not just a single bloggy salutation, but rather a whole five weeks’ worth of my inane blathering.

            I’m sorry.

            Now then. Will someone please explain to me how the hell a first-time visitor to a blog is expected to navigate? Does one scroll way down to the bottom, and then read from the bottom up? That seems lame.

            I won’t presume that any of you will bother to read all 30-odd posts here. Why would you? If you’ve spent more than three minutes in my company, you know what my incessant whining sounds like. If you’ve read anything I’ve published these past hundred years or so, you’ve already experienced my bitch-bitch-bitching in print.

            Not that blogging counts as “in print.”

            Crap. I’ve broken my resolution already.

            (insert barfing sounds here)

Thing I Hate Today: My inability to just shut the hell up sometimes.

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16 Responses

  1. Hooray for you Robert for starting your blog.
    I too have been avoiding a stab at it.
    Too busy thinking about all the reasons I don’t want to blog.
    You may just be my inspiration.
    Looking forward to more.
    Your fellow malcontent.
    Carol B.

  2. I don’t hate everything, but close. I think I hate people more. I might like them if they would just do what I want.

    Is turning 50 worse than turning 45? If so, there’s not enough bourbon on the planet…

  3. Okay, so Phoenix band Fatigo has a song whose refrain is “I hate everything,” which was running through my mind as I got a cup of coffee immediately before sitting here and discovering you’ve started this blog. Not as eerie as it seems, since I probably think that to myself at least four times a week.

  4. You would think you and I and Stephen all have something in common. Now fix your blog’s clock.

  5. Dearest Robrt, I love your blog. It’s so wonderfully peevish. But then again, I am one of these dorks who isn’t nearly cool enough to hate everything, so I have to live vicariously. Thank you for making it easy.

    Thank you, also, for calling your gentlemen friend Tevye. I cracked up at every reference.

  6. Welcome, Bob.

    You said you would never “do” Facebook, and you were appropriately appalled when I said I had, years ago, and in mere months, there you were.

    You wanted to Run Screaming when I told you *I* had a blog (that still blows MY mind, to be honest), and, now, here you are.

    And you got a FlipCam. Long after I had gone through three.

    I guess this proves that I am actually hip and ahead, even though my answering machine still uses cassette tapes and I had my car’s CD player removed so that a tape player could be put in its place? : )

    There, I even did an Emoticon – and you can Hate that, too! : D

    Hell, I did it twice.

    I am prone to Emoticons – I think I probably use them everyday…

    I loved reading about what You Hate, though, a LOT, and will be reporting back regularly.

    Paul

    • Paul…..BOB? you are a very brave man….

  7. You CAN’T be 50! What does that make me?!?

    Here’s what I hate: apologies! We’re here because we want to be. You are one of those individuals who has the unique ability to articulate what the rest of us are thinking! And we love you for that.

    Teacher in LA

  8. Too funny, I love it! Although I find it intriguing after you once said you hated to write and now you’re doing it for free. There must be something therapeutic there I think. You’ll find I’m one of those people that remembers everything and am not ashamed to toss it back at you. I’m also one of those annoying super positive people and I try never to use the word hate. Instead I try to be “grateful” for everything. I know, I just gave you two more things to hate today. Regardless, the best part is by reading these posts it’s almost as good as hanging out with you. You should know as well that this is the first time I’ve ever even read a blog let alone responded to one. Always seemed like such a colossal waste of time, go figure.

  9. Yeah, I used to “reply” to blogs too, writing out a totally smart & clever paragraph or two, double checking my grammar, etc., only to have it ask me for my email address, social security number, all my passwords, and my bra size before it would even maybe THINK about posting it. So I blew it off, useless effort. This one, however, was easy somehow. And even my happy little Facebook icon shows up next to my response. Go figure.

  10. In fact, I am proud to say I actually had audience with Mr. Pela last evening.

    And I don’t THNK he hated it.

    I mean I didn’t spill or say ‘everyday’ out loud or anything…

  11. “Mae” is the best middle name, ever. To wit: Cassie Mae, Candice Mae, Nancy Mae, Adelpha Mae… I could go on.

  12. A good tonic on a day when I, too, am hating everything. Especially after writing checks to the state and feds for 8 grand. It’s enough to make me embrace the Tea Party just for spite.

  13. Oh, yeah — I came to your page via Diane Talborg’s FB link. Not a random stalker.

  14. My bookmark to your blog is titled: Queen Of The Universe. My heart fills with glee at the thought of getting to read more of you.

  15. Pansy Mae. I have missed you.

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