March 6, 2012: I Hate Pigeons

            Oh, hurray. Pigeons are roosting on our front porch. Listen, that’s nice. It’s loads of fun to have rivers of dried bird shit stuck to the concrete we recently paid to have faux-finished. And how fortunate we are that these charming creatures keep dragging pounds of twigs up onto the patio, because one can never have enough piles of crap littering one’s façade—andwho has time to go out twig-collecting?

They're giving me the finger.

            Of course, the worst part is that the exterminator warned me about this. When he came out a few weeks ago to pigeon-proof the house, I—bursting with wisdom and insight—told him, “Just do the back and the two sides of the house. Pigeons would never dare roost where our neighbors might see them.”

            I take that back. The worst part is that the cats, who are fascinated by the pigeons, keep ripping the sheers off the wall in the living room in their attempts to get to the poor birds.

 Thing I Hate Today: The song “I Hate Pigeons” by the Sunshine Company (although I really dig the Sunshine Company).     


3 Responses

  1. Feed them! Give them names! Think of them as badly-dressed cardinals.

  2. OK, so pigeons don’t roost in or on my house, but I still carried a heavy amount of disgust for them…until the other day. I had just pulled out of my driveway with my three grandchildren ages 6, 5, and 3. (cute! but- I digress) Just as I start to accelerate down the street I look to my left and see a dead bird. It looked like it had fallen from the sky. To it’s right, and dangerously close to the middle of the road was another bird gently nudging it. I slowed down to get a closer look at what the bird was doing and over and over it poked and prodded trying to get this bird to rise and fly. My mind raced to see if there was anything I could do to help this poor bird. Was this sad scene a teachable moment? I envisioned Zoe, the three year old’s beautiful blue eyes filled with tears as I tried to discuss true love and loss and decided to gun it and go shopping instead.

    But the birds haunted me. Were they indeed pigeons? Yes. I hate pigeons. Didn’t matter, my thoughts pressed on. Are pigeons monogamous? That could be the only explanation for a bird risking it’s life trying to get it’s mate to fly. So, I did what I always do- I Googled it. Aha! Just as I suspected! They are monogamous! For life. Rarely do they take on a new mate when they lose their loved one. How sweet! How sad. Poor little pigeon. They aren’t so bad…are they?

    I think I will hold on to this feeling until I go out to get in my Lexus and see an enormous pigeon shit in the middle of my windshield.

    Love you Robrt! And love your blog!


  3. A hatin’ on fluffy critters blog I think you just might like:

    Are all my comments, left all at once as I’m catching up to your blog posts, now considered spam?

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